How Are You?

How is she?  They ask, everywhere I go. Sometimes I answer. It's hard.  They're trying something new.  We still don't know. And sometimes I don't. Fine, thank god. They want to know news, they want to know progress...they want to know black and white. I confide in some. I deflect others. Mostly, I seethe. I … Continue reading How Are You?

Betrayal

Betrayal feels like cold wool... ...a room without a door... ...a suspended wall... ...a secret said aloud. Betrayal hurts like a nail... ...a throbbing sore... ...a twisted gut... ...a blinding light. Betrayal happens when you let a sickness take control...when you think there is no choice...when you decide it's easier to give up. Betrayal happens … Continue reading Betrayal

Tears

  The words are piling up behind my eyes… pushing past resistant eyelids… spilling… letter by letter… down my cheeks… where I angrily brush them aside. I don't want to write… I don't want to feel in text… I don't want to say the things my heart is dictating. So I rub… I destroy the … Continue reading Tears

Do I Ever Cross Your Mind?

It's been over a month since I last wrote.  There was a post writing itself out in my head...but I didn't have the heart to let it out. I don't know who reads this blog.  I don't know who really cares what I write or how I write it...but sometimes I get the feeling that … Continue reading Do I Ever Cross Your Mind?

Those Three Words

Those three words shooting off the screen blazing a trail to my heart to my guilt to my torment. Those three words lifting me from my burden sending my soul soaring flying high flying free. Those three words written to me to my past to my inner child to my hidden self Those three words … Continue reading Those Three Words

The Sadness Effect

“If I ever become a real artist I’ll make a series of sketches called Sad People.  All kinds of people - age, race, culture - will be represented with the common denominator being a sadness that jumps out at you.  Then I’ll have a gallery and people will come…it’ll be like a sad room…a place … Continue reading The Sadness Effect

Instead

I don't know what is churning, twisting and pulling inside me. I don't know why I feel a NEED. I don't know how to name it, claim it...own it. I don't know where to turn to release it. But I know that I don't want whatever it is. Because it makes me feel not good … Continue reading Instead

Heartbreaker

"IMMA!!! My lev (heart) is hurting!  Imma'le!  My feelings!" She runs up the stairs, away from her best friend who had just ripped her heart apart.  I race up after her.  She is curled outside our door, tears streaming down her face from her swollen eyes. My brave little girl looks up at me.  Her … Continue reading Heartbreaker

That’s Me In The Corner

I clutch the bar of the stroller and rock it back and forth, even though the baby is scampering about the room.  The movement keeps my shaking hands hidden from view.  I feel the tension in my shoulders and neck.  The room begins to go out of focus.  There is a roar in my ear.  … Continue reading That’s Me In The Corner

Losing Words

I reach over to feel the cup.  The coffee has cooled down enough for Tzila to drink. "Would you like your coffee now?" She nods and opens her mouth slightly.  I lift the cup to her lips carefully.  A bit spills over her mouth and onto her apron.  I give her a napkin.  Her hands … Continue reading Losing Words