It is ugly, this beauty. It aches in a way that tastes of bile. The light reflecting off the wall shines a spotlight on the pain...the empty feeling where feeling should be...her presence missing from the picture. Dusk. The in-between. Where the day is and isn't. Starting and beginning...the pause between the two. I am … Continue reading Paused.
Every year, I would sit down during the three weeks and write. I always wrote about pain and suffering, the land of Israel and the idea of redemption. I couldn't run away from relating to the entire period so intensely and savagely. Fearfully. There was always an element of fear that flowed through my emotions. … Continue reading Letting Grief out to Play
I am one of the few lucky ones. I have my husband and my children on this journey with me. I have my family who loves and accepts me. I have learned to connect with the people I love in ways that don't hurt. We talk about life and feelings and our shared past and … Continue reading How to Lose Your Faith and Keep Your Friends
My previous post touched on the journey my family has been on together. Although we are currently on the same page, my husband and I took different paths and followed forks in the road that sometimes seemed like they would never meet. After the birth of our son, I felt so disconnected from Judaism and lost in … Continue reading Sometimes, I Cry Alone in the Night
I need to preface this blog post with a bit of an explanation as well as an apology. I have been toying with an idea for a while now. I did not know how to begin until today when I was struck by the love and understanding I have for the ultra-Orthodox world my husband … Continue reading A Stroll Through a Lifetime
We stand under the canopy separated by the discomfort we feel at the display. You are wearing the uniform of a team you don't really play for. Your hair is cut according to someone else's taste. Even your shoes are a stranger's style. I am in white for the first time in my life. My … Continue reading 13 Years
There is a soundtrack to my life. There are an endless amount of lyrics and tunes stored in my brain and the second something happens that triggers a feeling, a song begins to play. Today, I heard the White Lion ballad stirring around as I listened to an audio clip of children crying out for … Continue reading When the Children Cry – Rise Up!