It’s been over a month since I last wrote. There was a post writing itself out in my head…but I didn’t have the heart to let it out.
I don’t know who reads this blog. I don’t know who really cares what I write or how I write it…but sometimes I get the feeling that no matter how I say it, I am misunderstood by the one or two people in my life whose opinion of me actually matters.
So I haven’t written about this thing.
But I’ve been thinking it.
And now I have to veil it a little.
And hope you can take it for what it is and not write it off as my over-the-top emotional personality you think I have.
I’ve wondered….if I ever cross your mind…just because…and when I do…is it because you miss me…or love me…or think I matter.
And I wonder…why you can’t talk to me.
Why I make you feel so uncomfortable.
Why I have to even wonder about this at all.
I know I was stupid…and immature…and gave you hell…but I never hurt you the way you constantly hurt me…
I never stopped loving you.
I never stopped thinking of you.
And I would never dismiss you the way you dismiss me…the way you dismiss anything that touches a place in your heart that might actually make you vulnerable.
But guess what?
I can’t go anywhere.
So you’re going to have to learn…who I am…what I am…why I am…
And understand…that most of it…is because of you.