A Poppy Seed Cookie

“Ok, ok,” she said in what I think might have been an annoyed kind of tone. “I’ll show you how. Come downstairs later and you can watch me. But I don’t know amounts…just watch…just watch.” Later, I watched. Her tiny hands, even smaller because of the arthritis that kept her fingers curling in, worked at … Continue reading A Poppy Seed Cookie

Du Bist A Nazi

Du bist as Nazi, du bist a Nazi! I turn in horror. He's a little boy.  Maybe four years old.  His blonde hair curls at his ears...his blue eyes sparkle with the sort of mischief I should expect from a little boy at the park with his friends without supervision. And the other boy...three years … Continue reading Du Bist A Nazi

Can’t I Be The Mom I Want To Be?

They told me kids grow up too soon...so I feel a little guilty right now... Because it doesn't seem soon enough to me... I don't know if I was made to pick up toys all day...have my skirt used as a tissue...field questions about witches and monsters...listen to never-ending whines about everything and anything...all as … Continue reading Can’t I Be The Mom I Want To Be?

Summer. Yay.

Summer vacation is hell. We started off on the right foot.  There were projects and outings and waaaaaay too many movies…and then we had to go to bed and figure out something new and exciting for Day 2.  I’m going out of my mind. I’m starting to appreciate a little something I have always loathed … Continue reading Summer. Yay.

Let’s Paint A Memory

The street is cobblestone...pretty, yet inconvenient for weary little feet and stroller wheels. It's been a long morning.  Breakfast was nice, sitting at an outdoor cafe on the street overlooking mountains, sipping freshly squeezed orange juice and laughing just because...and then walking along the road with all the shops, pretending to be first time tourists visiting … Continue reading Let’s Paint A Memory

Mother, May I?

Seven years. It's been seven years since I had some time that could be mine to do with as I please. The routine of my life consisted of pregnancies, depression, births, newborns, infants, toddlers and learning to nap when I got a chance. By the time my daughter turned three, my son was born.  We … Continue reading Mother, May I?

As The Candle Burns

My mother calls and brings it up before I do. “It’s tonight…I’ve been thinking about it…remembering….” I choke back a sob.  “Yes.  It is tonight.  And I’m sad…” I fall apart.  I tell her the thoughts I have. She listens, she shares and she hurts with me. I feel something shift.  The depression lifts and … Continue reading As The Candle Burns

The Day I Die

The house is quiet. I sort the laundry wash the dishes change the linens organize the closets prepare the food make a list and try, try try try not to think. But here I am. Thinking. * Last night I had a dream. Someone died in my dream. Someone close enough to me that I … Continue reading The Day I Die

Heartbreaker

"IMMA!!! My lev (heart) is hurting!  Imma'le!  My feelings!" She runs up the stairs, away from her best friend who had just ripped her heart apart.  I race up after her.  She is curled outside our door, tears streaming down her face from her swollen eyes. My brave little girl looks up at me.  Her … Continue reading Heartbreaker

Father Of Mine

The discussion was about Divine Intervention and whether it is an integral aspect of belief. It was mostly intellectual with the bouts of emotions (that always seem to trickle through with me) getting properly addressed and shelved by the most significant influence in my life. First, my mother left. She tried to pipe in with … Continue reading Father Of Mine