Instead

I don’t know what is churning, twisting and pulling inside me.

I don’t know why I feel a NEED.

I don’t know how to name it, claim it…own it.

I don’t know where to turn to release it.

But

I know that I don’t want whatever it is.

Because it makes me feel

not good enough

capable enough

motivated enough

to be

A Wife

A Mother

A Child of God

Who should be able

To just Be.

And so

I sit

with the churning

and try

to change it

to yearning

for something MORE

as opposed

to something

INSTEAD.