The Tides we Don’t Follow

We are first man and woman. We have created ourselves from the ribs of non-believers. We have no original sin to dictate our morals, no code passed down for generations. The string we hang from frays with every step towards the edge of this puppet stage. And this step, this leap away from tradition, this will cut the cord.

Meet Me Where You Left Me

Watching the news one night, my husband raised the feminist flag. Four women awkwardly crossed their bare legs on the couch. One man, his legs spread wide to accommodate his shrinking masculinity, sat in the center. On our side of the screen, my husband squirmed and called it out. And I rolled my eyes. We … Continue reading Meet Me Where You Left Me

Uncovered

Orthodox Judaism has a uniform. It varies according to sect and strictness of observance, but it's always there, worn as an identity. As a child, I wore long, mid-calf skirts, sleeves below my elbows and necklines that covered my collarbone. I was lucky I could wear kneesocks, I couldn't stand the feeling of tights, and … Continue reading Uncovered

Letting Grief out to Play

Every year, I would sit down during the three weeks and write. I always wrote about pain and suffering, the land of Israel and the idea of redemption. I couldn't run away from relating to the entire period so intensely and savagely. Fearfully. There was always an element of fear that flowed through my emotions. … Continue reading Letting Grief out to Play

How to Lose Your Faith and Keep Your Friends

how to lose your faith and keep your friends

I am one of the few lucky ones. I have my husband and my children on this journey with me. I have my family who loves and accepts me. I have learned to connect with the people I love in ways that don't hurt. We talk about life and feelings and our shared past and … Continue reading How to Lose Your Faith and Keep Your Friends

Sometimes, I Cry Alone in the Night

My previous post touched on the journey my family has been on together. Although we are currently on the same page, my husband and I took different paths and followed forks in the road that sometimes seemed like they would never meet. After the birth of our son, I felt so disconnected from Judaism and lost in … Continue reading Sometimes, I Cry Alone in the Night

A Stroll Through a Lifetime

I need to preface this blog post with a bit of an explanation as well as an apology. I have been toying with an idea for a while now. I did not know how to begin until today when I was struck by the love and understanding I have for the ultra-Orthodox world my husband … Continue reading A Stroll Through a Lifetime

13 Years

We stand under the canopy separated by the discomfort we feel at the display. You are wearing the uniform of a team you don't really play for. Your hair is cut according to someone else's taste. Even your shoes are a stranger's style. I am in white for the first time in my life. My … Continue reading 13 Years

The Wicked Daughter

Sometimes, when I am feeling particularly reflective, I imagine my life as a boy. I wonder if I would make the choices I make today, had I been a boy. I think that I would, because I believe my gender plays only a small part in my human make-up. Maybe the road here would have … Continue reading The Wicked Daughter

Redemption?

The words of my youth ring in my ears as I meticulously scrub the leavened bread from the inside of my drawers, the corners of my floors…the confines of my soul. Redemption… Freedom… I make my lists and feel the pleasure of checking off tasks and listen to the tap, tap, tapping at my memory’s … Continue reading Redemption?