We always had the “when it rains, it thunderstorms” issue in our life. Everything bad always went hand in hand with extra toppings of unrelated bad. Well, I guess when extremes are the norm, I shouldn’t be surprised that the sunshine we’ve been experiencing lately has come with rainbows in every shade of that big box of crayola crayons. You know the one. WIth the sharpener in the middle. And the super metallic colored ones included.
So, my dilemma is that I’ve gotten into such an incredible happy place that it put me into a funk of sorts. I”ll call it a happy funk, swarming with sticky laffy taffies and peanut chews stuck in molars for days on end. It’s so good, I can’t help picking at it, prodding it as though it were a questionably dead mouse and I am that child standing two feet away, jumping with each thrust of my stick in fear of the possibility of a not quite dead mouse’s vengeance.
Anyone know what I’m talking about?
Fine. I’ll spell it out.
This change is GOOD. We live in a GREAT apartment in an AMAZING area with the BEST neighbors. My husband found a new job LOCALLY and is home for dinner every night. People moved in after us and I got to be the welcoming one for a change. My husband set up a nightly chavrusa already with the guy across the hall. I’m full of energy I forgot I had and my kids love me again. (Before you say anything about that – my kids hate me when I’m sitting on the couch staring at them with droopy eyes, making them nap when they’re not tired because I am, and snappy, irritable and discontented. No blame – I hate me like that too.) All in all, life is being lived to the beautiful, wonderful limit.
But. There. Is. A. Limit.
And I’m poking it with my ever wandering eye, waiting for it to spring up from the ground with a devilish smile and laugh in my face.
So. I’m taking stock now. I’m proclaiming the good to the world. I’m letting you know that I am not all about downers. I’m hoping to combat that weak side of me and take my life one day at a time.
One phantasmagorical day at a time.
5 thoughts on “It’s Been A Long Time Coming”
Happy for you! 🙂
In my experience an attitude of gratitude is always the best! It makes the bad days better and the good days GREAT! One day at a time……. It’s good to hear out of all that ‘bad’ is coming all the good. Hashem is taking care of you!!!
You sound like me!! Winter is coming. And it is. It always does. But that’s not a reasn not to enjoy summer.
I have lived an icky life – particularly in my childhood. I learned to trust nobody and nothing… ESPECIALLY happiness. When I was unhappy I was wishing for happiness, and when I was happy I was just waiting to be unhappy again. this is how I have repeated my life until… well… basically a few months ago really. It is a miserable way to live. But on the other hand I can’t stand perkiness either. ugh! nothing worse than empty stupid perkiness… it makes me gag.
So now I’m trying to get myself into the habit of seeing that every moment – the good, bad and ugly – is all from Hashem. that puts an entirely different spin on things. It neither forces me to be perky in the face of misery, nor to pretend that I don’t have issues/problems/worries/fears… It allows me to be in the moment. I have not perfected this way of living for sure, but I am working on it. I think perhaps there is something to it. I feel more validated… and I feel more [not completely, but more] relaxed in the moment.
(If I happen to be barking up the wrong tree feel free to toss my ideas aside.)
totally hear you – i’m the same and also only recently started to get a hang of living right. i think i was in the wrong place, now that i feel somewhat stable and comfortable in my surroundings, it’s easier.