I can't tell the story because I'm on the ceiling again and this time it feels like my body is pinned to the fluorescent bulbs and the light is pouring through me as I slowly turn invisible.
This feeling…this sad feeling…covers me like a blanket…suffocating me slowly. It is not a new feeling…it is an anticipated one. Do not project…they told me…do not lose faith in humanity…you can never know the outcome…you can never know for sure. So I tried not to project…not to expect to be hurt… But I am not … Continue reading Broken Grief
(trigger warning - please don't read if you are not in a safe place) Dear Asshole, I wonder, when you kiss your wife, if you remember what it felt like to shove your tongue into my mouth...your teeth hitting mine as you demanded I open my lips more.. I remember. I can still taste your … Continue reading Dear Asshole
Dear, dear spouses… of victims… of survivors… of the broken people... Thank you. Thank you for not letting us push you away. Thank you for seeing past the desperate facade we thought was infallible. Thank you for understanding that not everyone wants to be touched…or can be touched…and adjusting your needs accordingly. Thank you … Continue reading Dear Spouses,
The tears won’t stop.They fall…without my permission…as I try to understand why my mind isn’t letting me process this.It’s just a damn apology, I tell myself. Accept it. Just take it and let it all go.But something is holding me back.I call my husband…I tell him through sobs…and he gets it.I know, he says…I know … Continue reading Forgiveness
Sometimes, late at night when I should be asleep, I remember. I remember how I used to be…when things were bad…when I was a bad little girl… And I wonder…if I could talk to her…what would I say? I should say…the things I was taught to say to her… I’m so sorry you’re hurting. It’s … Continue reading Dying To Forget
I can’t write about AMI magazine and the Weberman case. I can’t go there. But I wanted you to know - anyone who knows me and understands me - that I sent them an e-mail today. Please remove me from your mailing list. I do no wish to write for a magazine such as yours … Continue reading How I Stood Up To AMI