A Day of Atonement

I wonder where you are now.

Or maybe I don’t really care.

I don’t know.

You are on everyone else’s minds…as they prepare to stand before you…

You fill their hearts with trepidation…love…and I guess a healthy fear.

Not me.

My heart doesn’t really let you in that much.

When it does it is in anger.

I don’t think I care to ask you to forgive me.

I am outside the camp now.

Before…I was on the line…trying to figure out where I fit.

Now I’m out.

You sort of pushed me out, you know.

Because I tried to see you…to feel you…

But you kept this great wall around you and wouldn’t let me in.

I don’t know where I’ll go after this.

I don’t know what I”ll do.

But I can offer you one last chance.

There’s this wonderful little book I read.

About Good and Evil…

About a Day of Atonement…

and two lists…

Here are mine.

This year, I challenged you.

I was ungrateful and needed more.

I asked you to change people’s hearts.

I didn’t try to get too close to you.

I spent a lot of time thinking of you negatively.

I wasn’t as kind as I should have been.

I was impatient.

I was petty.

I was hurtful.

This year, you challenged me.

You turned away when I cried out.

You wouldn’t change the things I wanted changed.

You made me live in my past.

You strangled me.

You didn’t answer me.

You hurt me.

You hurt the ones I love.

I now stand before you with these two lists.

I have stated the sins I have committed  against you.

I have stated the sins you have committed against me.

“I have been unjust towards you, and you have been unjust towards me.  However, since today is the Day of Atonement, you will forget my faults and I will forget yours, and we can carry on together for another year.”

~ Paulo Coelho, The Devil and Miss Prym

How about it, God?

Can we move on?