When you called, (at four in the morning) I couldn’t formulate the right words.
So I said ‘yay’ and tried to go back to sleep.
But I couldn’t so I thought and thought and thought.
Every phone call, e-mail and text message.
Every person who shaped your life, for better or for worse.
Every time you were let down.
Every time you thought it would be different.
Every time I tried to share your optimism.
Every time it wasn’t quite so different.
it is different
Just like you said it was.
And I am walking around with a stupid smile on my face.
Thinking about you. About your struggles. Your battles. Your triumphs.
And I am so friggin proud of you.
And in so much awe of you.
For your perseverance
Your absolutely, positively joyous disposition that no amount of sorrow and pain can break.
I want to grow wings and fly across the ocean just to give you a hug.
But then I’ll cry
And you know how much I hate that.
So I’m writing you this so that you know
That if I was a different kind of person
I would have said something other than ‘yay’
But I’m not