AS IF

Have you seen the picture of Eden Atias?

eden atias

He is facing the camera…beautiful…young…looking full of life…with a slight smirk that suggests he knows about his beauty…youth…and the full life he has.

And then, have you seen the picture of the seat he was sitting on as, exhausted from the beginning of his basic training, he fell asleep on a bus, never imagining that his beauty, youth and life would be cut short by the 16-year-old terrorist sitting beside him?

Eden's seat

This is Israel.  I’ve said that before.  This is where I want to live.  This is where I am entitled to live because it is my God-given birthright.  This is MY land and I will not leave.

I am here in my land with my people and we are suffering together as we kindly smile at our enemies and talk about peace and negotiations in the hopes of a different sort of future.  But I’m tired of it.  I am so damn tired of writing out how tormented I feel, trapped in my land surrounded by a world that produces a sixteen year old capable of stabbing a man – a BOY – to death on a bus.

I am so so very tired…

of this

and this

and this

and this

and this

and this

and this

all I want to do is scream…shout to the heavens…roar ENOUGH!

For now, I sit…in my safe little home…and try to live a normal life…like the rest of my people…who have no choice…but to lay a boy in the ground…and move on…as if…life can go on…

As. If.

 

 

 

Those Three Words

Those three words
shooting off the screen
blazing a trail to my heart
to my guilt
to my torment.

Those three words
lifting me from my burden
sending my soul soaring
flying high
flying free.

Those three words
written to me
to my past
to my inner child
to my hidden self

Those three words
take me to a place
of gratitude
of contentment
of peace.

I forgive you
you wrote
and I can only reply
Thank you
because I know
you know
the thing about
those three words.

I Just Wanted You To Know

Elohim sheli, ratziti sheted’a                                       

Chalom shechalamti balayila bamitah

(My God – I wanted you to know, the dream I dreamt at night in bed)

She sings her favorite song on the swings…in the sand…on the bus…and softly as she lays in bed…

Ubachalom, raiti mal’ach

Mishamayim ba elai v’amar li kach:

(In my dream I saw an angel from heaven, and this is what he said to me)

She has an old soul…a deep soul…a soul that understands more than what her heart can contain…

Bati mishamayim, avarti nedudim,

laset birkat shalom lechol hayeladim,

laset birkat shalom lechol hayeladim.

(I came on a long wandering from the heavens to bring a blessing of peace to all the children)

She has a vivid imagination…colorful…layered and vast…

Ukshe itorarti nizkarti bachalom

V’yatzati lechapes me’at shalom

(When I awoke, I remembered the dream and I went out to look for a bit of peace)

She expresses her thoughts…feelings and questions…boldly…without hesitation…

V’lo haya mal’ach, v’lo haya shalom

Hu mizman halach, v’ani im hachalom.

(and there was no angel…and no peace…he was long gone and I…am here…with my dream)

The siren wails.

We are silent.

She is thinking.

Why is there a siren?

To remind us of the soldiers…of the chayalim.

What, they died?

Well…yes.

Why?

Because they were protecting us.

Chayalim are good?

Of course.

But some chayalim want to kill us.

Our army is good.  Our chayalim are good.

Like the Mishtara?

Yes.  The police and soldiers are good.

The siren is for the chayalim that are dead?

Yes sweetie.  And for all the chayalim…to always remember all the chayalim.

Why do we have chayalim?

To keep us safe.

Yes, but Imma, why do we need to be saved?

Elohim sheli, ratziti sheted’a

She’hachalom haze nishar li k’chida

Elohim sheli, ratziti sheted’a

Al hachalom sheli, ratziti sheted’a

Elohim sheli, rak ratziti sheted’a…

(My God, I wanted You to know…that the dream remains a riddle to me…my God, I wanted You to know…about my dream…I wanted You to know…my God, I just…wanted You to know…)