Mourning my Son with no Name

The flutters intensify every year as we light the last candle. Eight flames burning is the signal; the moment we start counting down the week until our baby’s birthday, three days before his death. This year, my womb contracted wildly with the news of another boy torn from his mother too early… too violently. I held my … Continue reading Mourning my Son with no Name

Letting Grief out to Play

Every year, I would sit down during the three weeks and write. I always wrote about pain and suffering, the land of Israel and the idea of redemption. I couldn't run away from relating to the entire period so intensely and savagely. Fearfully. There was always an element of fear that flowed through my emotions. … Continue reading Letting Grief out to Play

One Year

It has been one year…one entire year… It has been one year since I gave up trying to sleep and sat up in bed at 5:00 in the morning with words writing themselves out in my head as I formed the pain we were all feeling into letters...words...sentences that maybe, somehow might express the choking … Continue reading One Year

A Moment in Time

I am sitting in the room that has become your shrine. Your picture is everywhere I look. Your art hugs the walls. Your space is tangibly empty. This room holds a lifetime...it beats for an eternal second...it loses its breath and dies every day you are not in it... I am sitting here and I … Continue reading A Moment in Time

As The Candle Burns

My mother calls and brings it up before I do. “It’s tonight…I’ve been thinking about it…remembering….” I choke back a sob.  “Yes.  It is tonight.  And I’m sad…” I fall apart.  I tell her the thoughts I have. She listens, she shares and she hurts with me. I feel something shift.  The depression lifts and … Continue reading As The Candle Burns