It feels selfish to say how I feel, to let the world know that I am melting when the world is barely holding on.
But…do you need to have a sense of self to be selfish? Is it selfish if I am losing track of me and all the parts I thought I was made of?
Isolation is not new to me. I’ve embraced her wholeheartedly, craved her even! She protected me for so long, let me wallow and scream. She caressed my broken soul and told me it was ok to be away – good to be away…
Alone is where I find how I fit.
Alone is where I hear the silence.
Alone is where I cherish peace.
Alone is where I can finally be.
Isolation has betrayed me.
She is choking me, pressing into me, making me want to escape her comfort and explore who I am when I am not alone.
She is making me forget how safe she is.
She is showing me how vulnerable I am.
She is forcing me to see how RELIANT I am, how small and insignificant I am…
And I am so fucking scared.