Mourning my Son with no Name

The flutters intensify every year as we light the last candle. Eight flames burning is the signal; the moment we start counting down the week until our baby’s birthday, three days before his death. This year, my womb contracted wildly with the news of another boy torn from his mother too early… too violently. I held my … Continue reading Mourning my Son with no Name

Doing Something

For 515 days, my sister and I shared my Facebook profile picture, smiling to the world from a little circle above my name. My cover photo was taken that time we went to Jerusalem and she posed with my children on Yoel Solomon Street. 515 days ago I sat down and looked through all my pictures … Continue reading Doing Something

Letting Grief out to Play

Every year, I would sit down during the three weeks and write. I always wrote about pain and suffering, the land of Israel and the idea of redemption. I couldn't run away from relating to the entire period so intensely and savagely. Fearfully. There was always an element of fear that flowed through my emotions. … Continue reading Letting Grief out to Play

One Year

It has been one year…one entire year… It has been one year since I gave up trying to sleep and sat up in bed at 5:00 in the morning with words writing themselves out in my head as I formed the pain we were all feeling into letters...words...sentences that maybe, somehow might express the choking … Continue reading One Year

A Moment in Time

I am sitting in the room that has become your shrine. Your picture is everywhere I look. Your art hugs the walls. Your space is tangibly empty. This room holds a lifetime...it beats for an eternal second...it loses its breath and dies every day you are not in it... I am sitting here and I … Continue reading A Moment in Time

Geoffrey with a G

We are sitting together on the couch and we are not paying attention to one another. We are both tired and need some time to unwind and let the stress of the day dissipate. I am reading a fluff piece and you are scrolling down our feed as we actively turn our brains off. You … Continue reading Geoffrey with a G

Broken Grief

This feeling…this sad feeling…covers me like a blanket…suffocating me slowly. It is not a new feeling…it is an anticipated one. Do not project…they told me…do not lose faith in humanity…you can never know the outcome…you can never know for sure. So I tried not to project…not to expect to be hurt… But I am not … Continue reading Broken Grief