1 in 5

Dear 4 in 5,

I don’t know what I will accomplish by writing this…but I want to be clear that I am not looking for your sympathy…or for you to understand.  You will never understand…that is why you are the 4 in 5.

I am the 1 in 5.  And though I cannot speak for all of us…I will try to break down a bit of the wall that crushes us.

I think what I want to do is explain…answer a few of the whys…

Why I don’t feel comfortable around you…

Why I seem cold when you meet me…

Why I don’t ever join in…

Why I seem…different.

I am different.

I am 1 in 5.

I am the 1 in 5 who didn’t get to be a real child.

I am the 1 in 5 whose trust in the world was shattered.

I am the 1 in 5 whose brain got rewired.

I am the 1 in 5…who sat alone…defiled…afraid…as the realization that you will all move on without me slowly drained my connection with you.

And so we became unable to feel each other…you and I…

Because I will always be that 1 in 5…and no one will ever define you by the 4 in 5 statistic you are.

I want you to know that I get it.  I really do.

You are not immune to feelings…you have deep hearts and souls.  Bad things happened to you too.  You were bullied/rejected/neglected/put down.  You suffered through illness/death/pain/suffering.  You are deep and thoughtful and kind and giving.  As a human, you are extraordinary and unique…an entire world of your own.

And you will still never understand why I, and my fellow 1 in 5s, cannot break through that wall of neatly stacked rows of 4…

We are not behind it…we are buried beneath.

And sometimes…all we want is a bit of room to breath.