The flutters intensify every year as we light the last candle. Eight flames burning is the signal; the moment we start counting down the week until our baby’s birthday, three days before his death. This year, my womb contracted wildly with the news of another boy torn from his mother too early… too violently. I held my … Continue reading Mourning my Son with no Name
For 515 days, my sister and I shared my Facebook profile picture, smiling to the world from a little circle above my name. My cover photo was taken that time we went to Jerusalem and she posed with my children on Yoel Solomon Street. 515 days ago I sat down and looked through all my pictures … Continue reading Doing Something
It is ugly, this beauty. It aches in a way that tastes of bile. The light reflecting off the wall shines a spotlight on the pain...the empty feeling where feeling should be...her presence missing from the picture. Dusk. The in-between. Where the day is and isn't. Starting and beginning...the pause between the two. I am … Continue reading Paused.
I am sitting on a flimsy plastic chair and I don’t think it can possibly hold my shaking body a second longer. My palms are sweaty. My heart is beating faster than my chest can contain it and I know I will burst. And then there she is. She stands on the stage. She comes … Continue reading Quiet.
It has been one year…one entire year… It has been one year since I gave up trying to sleep and sat up in bed at 5:00 in the morning with words writing themselves out in my head as I formed the pain we were all feeling into letters...words...sentences that maybe, somehow might express the choking … Continue reading One Year
I am sitting in the room that has become your shrine. Your picture is everywhere I look. Your art hugs the walls. Your space is tangibly empty. This room holds a lifetime...it beats for an eternal second...it loses its breath and dies every day you are not in it... I am sitting here and I … Continue reading A Moment in Time
We are sitting together on the couch and we are not paying attention to one another. We are both tired and need some time to unwind and let the stress of the day dissipate. I am reading a fluff piece and you are scrolling down our feed as we actively turn our brains off. You … Continue reading Geoffrey with a G
My grandmother ran out of Poland towards Russia with only the summer clothes she was wearing and spent the next five years seeking warmth in a world that had frozen over. I was raised on her story, as well as all the stories of my generation’s grandparents. We were their proof that it had been … Continue reading Dry eyes
When a giant... ...comes crashing down... ...from heights unknown to man... ...it is only natural... ...that some... ...will try to climb... ...his fallen frame... ...and proclaim... ...something... ...or other. I only wish... ...I was strong enough... ...to move a mountain... ...to reveal... ...the crater... ...formed... ...when the giant fell.
On December 1, 2001, my husband stood on an unfamiliar street in the heart of an unfamiliar country. He had just turned eighteen and his life was shit. He just wanted a little something to numb the pain. This was the place to be, he was told. Here was the action. By day, a bustling … Continue reading When Terrorists Die