It is ugly, this beauty. It aches in a way that tastes of bile. The light reflecting off the wall shines a spotlight on the pain...the empty feeling where feeling should be...her presence missing from the picture. Dusk. The in-between. Where the day is and isn't. Starting and beginning...the pause between the two. I am … Continue reading Paused.
I am sitting on a flimsy plastic chair and I don’t think it can possibly hold my shaking body a second longer. My palms are sweaty. My heart is beating faster than my chest can contain it and I know I will burst. And then there she is. She stands on the stage. She comes … Continue reading Quiet.
It has been one year…one entire year… It has been one year since I gave up trying to sleep and sat up in bed at 5:00 in the morning with words writing themselves out in my head as I formed the pain we were all feeling into letters...words...sentences that maybe, somehow might express the choking … Continue reading One Year
I am sitting in the room that has become your shrine. Your picture is everywhere I look. Your art hugs the walls. Your space is tangibly empty. This room holds a lifetime...it beats for an eternal second...it loses its breath and dies every day you are not in it... I am sitting here and I … Continue reading A Moment in Time
There is so much I could say...so much to write about... I could write about my sister...and her cancer...and what it feels like to be so far away...to be torn between my children and the baby I held in my arms at 14 years old...whispering my secrets to one of my only family members who … Continue reading When There Is Nothing Left To Say
I wanted to write about it... My problems. My silly issue with our apartment and our need to move... and the stress and the anxiety and the fear we'd never find another place and the panic that we can't cover the costs and the frustration that this is just going to be the story of our … Continue reading Arise
The sun is setting. It is time. I strike the match. I light the flame. I cry. I need to light the other candles now. The ones to bring in Shabbat. And pray for my family; my husband and my children...all my children... So I strike another match. I light one...two...three...four candles. Four candles to … Continue reading Flutters